Cinderella for today’s ‘don’toffendme’ society
by originalnamehere
Summary: WARNING: Contents may offend. Discretion is advised. it only says crime because Fairy-tale butchery is something that I feel is a crime


**Heyyyyy!!!! So, I got bored, and decided to write this. This is meant to be funny. So, don't get offended for real, ok? And besides, I already warned you that you might get offened, so if you do get offened, it's really your fault, so don't send me any flames. ;D**

**But, please, do review.**

* * *

Once upon a time there was a beautiful young maiden.

**Or handsome young man. **

Whose parents had died.

**Or, rather, were living happily. Honestly, Lulu. Come now. We don't want to offend some of our readers! (whispers) What if somebody's parents out there really were dead?**

Well, this is a story. A very well known one, too. And a big part of the story is that her parents are dead and her stepmother and two stepsisters treat her like servants.

**(looks absolutely horrified) Child abuse?! Just what kind of story are you trying to spin here, Lulu?! I mean, really! This might offend somebody!**

But, ma'am, it's just a story.

**Yes, well, it's just a cross, but we still have to cover it up to keep from offending the non-believers! So stop this offensive nonsense right now! **

But, Ma'am, this is Cinderella. This is what happens in the story.

**And just why do you think I'm having you re-write it?**

(sighs) Yes, Ma'am. So, there was a beautiful young maiden-

**Or man.**

Oh, yes. Once upon a time there was a beautiful/handsome young maiden/man who lived in a happy home, with their parents. Well, the King had decided to throw a large ball to find his son, the handsome Prince, a wife.

**You should say 'partner'. The term 'wife' might offence the growing 'homosexual' population. **

Erm, right. To find a…'partner'. Well, anyways, the young maiden/young man wanted to go. However, her evil stepmother-

**Nu-uh uh! Remember, there are no stepmothers. Not that there is anything wrong with stepmothers, of course.**

Of course. Well, then, ah…the young maiden/young man didn't have any clothes appropriate to attend the ball, so she/he, could not attend.

**Oh, but that is very sad. You mustn't offend your readers with sad endings!**

It's not the end yet, ma'am.

**Oh.**

Right then. Well, as the young maiden/ young man watched all her/his neighbors go off to attend the ball, she/he was stuck at home-

**You should really name your character.**

Well, her name was originally Cinderella, but sense you made her a boy as well, I decided not to bring it up.

**Well, they have to have a name. **

What about just Cinder?

**Oh, no. That's too girl-y. How about we change the 'C' out for a 'T'?**

You want to name our heroine/hero Tinder?

**Why not? It's perfectly uni-sex. That can't offend anybody.**

What about the people who grew up reading the original Cinderella?

**Well, we haven't changed it that much, so they won't be offended.**

(sighs) Fine. Her/his name is Tinder. So, as Tinder sat there and watched all her/his neighbors leave to attend the ball, she/he started to cry because she/he wished she/he could go.

**Well, that's offensive!**

To who? Who could possibly be offended by that?!

**All the readers! It's very offensive to everyone when you leave someone out. Let Cinder go to the ball.**

But that's what the fairy Godmother is for.

**You can't have Fairy Godmothers in this story! **

Well, why not?!

**Think of all the offended mothers, filling their children's head with such stories!**

That's what this is! It's a story!

**Well, get it right!**

I'm trying to, but you keep ruining it with your stupid 'don't offend anyone' policy!

**I'm just doing my job.**

(screams)

**I find that offensive.**

I'm tired of this! Write your own **(offensive language) **story!

**Fine. I will. **

**There was a beautiful/handsome young woman/ young man who lived happily with her parents. One day, the King had a party. Tinder, our young woman/young man who lived happily with her parents, attended this party. And in this nice, sophisticated, quiet gathering of happy villagers in the grand palace (but not so grand as the villagers to suspect their tax money to be misused, because it wasn't) Tinder came across the beautiful/handsome young princess/ young prince and they started talking. Soon, they fell in love and got married. (Wait, that may offend some people. Right,) Soon, they fell in love, and lived happily after. **

**The end. **


End file.
